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04 April 2010 @ 06:38 pm
It has been about six years since I got married. We had a lot of difficulty adjusting since my husband is an uber-organized person and I am relatively laid-back. For instance, he believes that "A place for everything and everything in its place" and that this should be followed at ALL times. I do my clearing up weekly once or twice, which was simply unacceptable to him. Anyway, I got around to clearing up all the time and really, it wasn't too bad, as I discovered.

We now have two children - our first one is 4 years old and the second one is 18 months old. I quit my job when the second one was born and I have been home. However, the two children take up most of my time (my older one goes to preschool) and I lag behind with the house work. For example, when I put the clothes for wash and then into the dryer, I don't have the time to fold them immediately. Sometimes it takes hours and on some occasions, the clothes lie in the basket for a day or two. Or three.
My husband has a job that takes him out of the city for half the week (he started this job two years ago).

Here is where our problem begins again: Each time he comes back, I am under great pressure, because ALL that he can see is the messy house. The room where he sleeps is his safe haven - I don't mess up that place. But the kitchen the living room, the drawing room - this is where the kids play and it is not always clear or clean. The bathroom has things on the counter (another bottle of lotion, for instance, my daughter's hairbands) and that irritates him. I don't clean my toothbrush head as well as he does and that irritates him. When I used the microwave a few minutes before he did, some oatmeal splattered - I cleaned it but not well, so there were a couple of spots left and this irritated him.
You get the idea - every little bit in the house catches his eye and irritates the heck out of him.

I feel sad and angry that he is not able to look past these things now that we have two children in the house! Our toddler is a naughty one and at this stage, I can't leave her even for a minute. In the evenings, I fall asleep along with the kids and do not get much time for myself at all. In the mornings, on some days, I do get time, but that is just enough to load the dishwasher, unload it, and clear the kitchen a bit. The truth is that I am always lagging behind with housework and....this is not on purpose! Why can't he understand it? And yes , I am not as fast as he is, SO??

I have begun to HATE it when he is back home, since he is annoyed all the time and keeps going "Tch tch tch" and often gets furious.
From his point of view, he gets back tired and even the slightest clutter irritates him, but what about me? At least he comes back home to rest - what about me? When do I get some rest?!! Can't he see that??

Today he left for work again and I found myself wishing that he'd stay there for a week or two, so that I could have some peace! This is not a good direction for the marriage.
 

Any suggestions/thoughts/ideas to make the situation better would be appreciated. Thanks!

 
 
What can any of you AirForce Wives tell me about Air Force living?? Or maybe how it may be? My fiance's MOS will be computer related, like a systems engineer.
 
 
01 January 2010 @ 09:46 pm
So what if you are in this position:

You met your partner 10 years ago. You smoked. You quit 3 years ago. They said they supported you and would quit with you but thought you would give up and not be able to do it. Now you are smoke-free and your partner is not and it physically makes you sick to smell it and you are repulsed when you look at him/her and know they are lying and smoking behind your back.

Poll #1506079 Smoking

Is smoking a marital deal breaker if it physically prevents you from connecting with your partner?

Yes
17(65.4%)
No
9(34.6%)


Cross-posted to other advice communities!
 
 
27 December 2009 @ 02:27 pm

So I have a question.

Is it wrong to be married to someone who you absolutely love and have sexual stories and create a journal just as an outlet and not tell your partner because frankly......it's not thier thing nor is it something you want in real life? Basically just wanting to be able to release random sexual stories because you enjoy writing and having that outlet.

 
 
26 September 2009 @ 03:20 am
I still remember the first time I laid eyes on my husband. He was absolutely gorgeous, a god. His features were chiseled, and his body was absolutely amazing. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him. Now three years into our marriage, he is still absolutely handsome, but he's grown a little belly. I can understand why. After our wedding, I fell ill, and he lost his job. The pressure was one, and because of our pride, we didn't reach out for help. We went through some really difficult times. Times that helped us learn to work together, times that helped us depend on one another. Because I was ill, I gained a great deal of weight, and he never once put me down for it. He gained weight as well. In any case, we are in a much better place now, with him in a good stable job, and my condition under control, I've started losing the weight. With that, came back my confidence, and my sex drive. I want to spice things up a little bit more, and I crave to see him (physically) in the same shape that I met him in. Whenever I bring up working out, he gets defensive, and he's been promising me since last year that he'll start going to the gym again. I brought it up again tonight, and lost my temper. In my frustration, I went on to another forum where women discuss sexual libido in their marriages, and the things that I read there horrified me. Women complained of men, telling them they were unattractive, and saying they preferred to pleasure themselves than look at them. My husband never once put me down because of the weight that I gained after I got sick. Not only that, but he has always maintained that I am beautiful in his eyes, and that he loves me no matter what. I slowly realized that maybe I was being some kind of jerk, by constantly trying to get him to lose the weight.

I just want to find a way to encourage him, without hurting his feelings. He's a great man. And he is absolutely gorgeous, he only needs to lose the extra belly. Any thoughts?
 
 
Current Mood: okayokay
 
 
 
10 September 2009 @ 05:48 pm
Ok,...so of course, most of you know that i'm planning an August 2010 or 2011 wedding for my fiance and I. Now we're starting to run into problems. Not of the wedding kind, because all of our vendors and prices have been hashed out, just nothing has been paid for except for my dress (excluding alterations)...

My fiance says he won't marry me until I hold a fulltime job for a year first. Which I don't think can happen. For about the last year, i've been on SSI disability due to mental and physical health problems, and haven't been working. I've sold Avon and done odd jobs with my virtual assisting business, but no "real" job. I'm on Medicaid, through my SSI, and i'm also on my mom's health insurance through her job until I turn 25, or until i'm married, whichever comes first. I turn 24 next month, so my coverage with her depends on our wedding date. With my medicaid and her insurance, I literally don't have to pay ANYTHING for my prescriptions, but I do have to pay for my copays, since I only use my mom's insurance for Dr. visits, I have to pay the copays for my Dr visits.

My problem is, my fiance has told me that as long as I kept the house clean, I didn't have to work, which allowed me to go to school fulltime. I'll be halfway done with my BA after 2011. I currently hold 23 credit hours, which just under classifies me as a sophmore. If my fiance told me that I didn't have to work and I'll be going to school fulltime, how does he expect me to hold a fulltime job? I'll lose my medicaid, and my SSI income.
Also, once we're married, my insurance coverage with my mom will expire, and with the job he just started about 3 weeks ago, off4ers insurance after a year, but my fiance can't afford it. And i'll have to research and get my own insurance coverage and pay for it out of pocket, and I doubt i'll be able to afford it.

I'm also really worried becuase I doubt I can HOLD a fulltime job long enough to qualify for insurance of my own, or to reach his "ultimatum" I've only been able to hold a job, full or parttime for three months. No longer.

It seems like either way I go, i'll be stuck with no insurance, and that can NOT happen. The worst thing is, he refuses to try and talk this out with me, or to help find some kind of agreement, or common ground...its like he doesn't want the wedding to happen at all. When I even mention the wedding or ask for his input he ignores me.
 
 
Has anyone ever held a common law wedding? While my fiance and I have been common law married about 3 years now, it's not quite the right time to have a legal wedding, due to the fact that we're moving back to my hometown to finish our degrees, and will be living in separate places (due to the fact that my mom and grandparents can barely stand him), and we just want to have a small commitment ceremony with our families and some friends, and eventually do all of the other paperwork for a legal 'on paper' marriage after graduation, which is a few years away. Also, we have decided to have a prenup, and since common law marriage is recognized in Texas, i'm wondering if we would have to have that done up for the common law ceremony or just wait until the legal ceremony is done...
 
 
07 August 2009 @ 10:08 am
a good friend of mine from college (of the opposite sex) recently got married. i'm married as well. i have not heard much from said friend other than the "thank you" note for his wedding gift and maybe an online conversation or two.

things were not always this way with us.. we used to contact each other daily and know every aspect of the other person's life! i know that was college.. and now this is real life.. so in some ways i've been trying to shake off the idea that we'll have the same friendship.

but right now we have nothing. and as an added layer, i seem to have it in my head that it's not ok for me to really call him. i have called him. but when i call i'm always thinking "what will his wife think of me calling". his wife has never come out and said anything to me about calling so i can't really say where this fear is coming from other than my mother once telling me that men and women can't be friends. =P

how should this be handled? next time i talk with my friend, should i ask him point blank if his wife is ok with our communicating? i'm sure my husband is 100% ok with it.